Share Christmas with a homeless person

At this time of year, it's important to remember those less fortunate than ourselves. People that, through no fault of their own, have become homeless and will feel alone, cold, hungry and wet.

We, here at Tend to Offend, encourage everyone to make an effort this Christmas to seek out a homeless person and share the magic of Christmas with them.

Tell them about your large detatched house and all of its external decorations and lights. Identify with them about how cold and wet you got putting the tasteful icicle lights under every window and how you had to spend a hour in front of your roaring log fire to get warm.

Share the anecdote about your wife working in the kitchen for 6 hours on Christmas day so your family and relatives from all around the country (including two who are clinically obese) could have a fabulous feast. And don't forget to mention the wastage of those ungrateful people who left enough food to fill two bins.

Talk about your children opening their presents on Christmas morning and how there was a tantrum when your son realised you'd bought him an xBox 360 instead of a Playstation 3. Luckily the four selection boxes that he ate before dinner placated him.

But most of all, tell them how lucky you feel to be surrounded by your family at this time of year.

As you leave, throw some small change to them. They will no doubt be crying at this point, overwhelmed by your time and generosity. Now they can get a cup of tea or some cheap drugs.

[Our solicitors have asked us to state that you should not bring a homeless person to your house, as they are likely to smell and steal things]